Can You Understand Your Child Better?

The Covid-19 pandemic has been extremely challenging, but... is it possible it has given us the opportunity to be a more in-depth observer of our children? Maybe we could be taking notes about what we, the parent, are seeing so that when things are "back to normal" we can become more of a partner and collaborator with our children?

While you are spending all this time at home together, it might be helpful to notice your child’s behavior from a different viewpoint. It's possible that the child you admired for ‘fighting for what they believed in’ is now fighting you? Has something changed or are you simply seeing your child’s behavior through a different lens? Maybe your child whom we saw as compassionate, humorous and insightful has become the screamer who hates being corrected? Hmmm…what did that teacher say in conferences? What did the therapist mention in passing? The biggest questions we have to ask ourselves is "have I become afraid of my child's outbursts" and "was this behavior present all the time"?

It's too much for everyone. Parenting in these conditions feels like Darwin's ‘survival of the fittest’. But is anyone thriving, or just surviving? The child who was always a bit unusual; the child who was highly anxious before is now out of control; the depressed, sensitive adolescent uses the word "hates" in reference to themselves; the young adult who sees no purpose, is under a microscope.

I believe that living together due to Covid offers us a positive opportunity to look at our child, regardless of age, with fresh eyes. Whatever the diagnosis, now is a wonderful time to understand the solutions. As you watch your child during at-home school, think about various insights, comments or even labels that you’ve been told about your child and open the door to understanding it. Then, you can start to improve communication between you and your child.

If you have had testing performed in the past, then review the results to help understand why your child is reacting a certain way. I am an advocate of a complete Neuro-psychological assessment to understand the root of the behavior that is becoming clearer to the observer. For those that have seen testing, what have you learned from it? Can you apply the knowledge that is subtle or clearly indicated? Is it really enough to just want the teacher/school to understand what it means?

Acknowledging what we've been seeing is not meant to feel like a personal failure. Think of it as one of the positives in 2020! Observe your child, have them tested, and gain knowledge from professionals who can help you understand the root of your child’s issues because we live at a time when neuro-science can provide a wealth of insights. There are professionals at home and away who can make the difference. It's hard to parent, especially when we don't know the questions to ask... Maybe now we can.